Saturday, December 17, 2005

Book Two: Evolution of the Species

After that first fateful demonstration of power and might, the Whales began a march through the South unequaled even by Sherman's legion of demons in blue. Packing a zealous thirst for converts into each one-night stand, the band forged a reputation as solid as sand. After the Klatsch came Geno's Off the Square, the UAH Student Union Building, and the University of the South. Parties, church picnics, work-release programs--no one was safe. Geno's proved to be the band's home for the next couple years. But just who was this band of atonal apples? Let me introduce you to the fellows:

Walter Berry, a man so good-looking that women swooned and little girls rushed to convents, was the undisputed spiritual leader of the group. While he ably handled the frontman chores, he also played guitar and harmonica, adding a bluesy edge to the otherwise whitebread musical mix. Strutting, dancing, prancing, and occasionally appearing in drag, Berry set a new standard for aspiring wannabees and established rock gods alike.


Stroking his favorite guitars, his beloved Whales axes with names like Butchie Bob and Hazel, Berry intoned the intamacies of rock balladry like no one had since Harry McClintock back in the 1920s. When Casey Jones opened up the whistle on his 0-8-0, he was only a pale precursor to Waddy's mighty Blues Harps and Marine Bands. Trumpets of the gods. His prowess off the stage is also well-documented, but those court records are currently inaccessible.


Phil Proctor was barely out of diapers when he first laid eyes on his future wife, a Kent Les Paul copy sold by Sears for the princely sum of $89.99 plus tax. Chosen for its superior playability and light weight, Proctor's musical concubine was always by his side until one dreadful night at the Lake Guntersville State Park Lodge. Opie Williamson recalls that the guitar looked like it had been hastily converted to playing slide with but one drop to the stage. A broken neck was diagnosed by doctor Tommy Shepard. So quoth the Kent "nevermore." Phil, better known as "The Doctor," believed in three basic principles of stage theatrics: 1) rock like it's your last show, 2) bring as much junk to the stage as possible, and 3) never, never stop the show to tune. These principles have haunted the aging asthmatic like a hellhound looking for his master's leg. Now, with his eyes dimmed, hair thin and gray, and having the lungs of a man twice his age, Proctor has once more decided to don a guitar, a pair of pajamas, and a smile (and possibly a dry Depends), in an effort to raise the musical bar one last time. May God have mercy on his friends.

Riding a drum kit like a hopped-up Chevy Malibu, John Harris thundered into the band at its inception. Having played in bluegrass bands (A bluegrass drummer? Apparently so.) with John Starling and Claire Lynch, Harris threw himself headlong into the glamorous world of rock & roll. John was there from the beginning to the end. He was the Whales' percussive alpha and omega. If there was any rhythm in the band, John had it. He also had a van. And a portable refrigerator full of inspiration. The Whales had many inspirational trips in John's van. There were innumerable treks to Sewanee, Tennessee, past Whale Rock, careening into the parking lot at Shenanigan's for supper and more inspiration, on past that funny zebra painting on someone's front porch, bypassing the Rebel's Rest and on to the Phi house for the evening's business. Those were the days, my friend. And John was there. John's incessant foot on the pedal (drums, van, bikes) made the band move. That right foot of his earned him the nickname "Thumper." O'l Thumper, he used to beat a path down to wherever the action was that night, and take the place down. Legions of stories follow him around. Ask Walter to tell you about some of them.

John still rocks in the Rocket City, working on jet aeroplane motors, or some such high-tech contrivance. At the Whales' most recent rehearsal (their first--and only--in over two decades), John still had that trademark "Thumper" sound, his biting sense of humor, and his boyish figure. Come see the freak show for yourself.

4 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

I remember 'Nuke the Whales' from my days as a PiKA at UAH. 44-years old now, married with two children, I fondly recall many gigs these cats played at the student union. These cats, Chevy 6, The Cartoons, and The White Animals were the soundtrack of my life for awhile.

I wonder if they were really that good? Or was that the beer and the atmosphere?

Any tapes or CDs out there?

Nels Benson

11:32 AM  
Blogger Matthew said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

7:55 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Wow what a blast from the past, how are you doing John....

8:23 PM  
Blogger Phil Proctor said...

Hey y'all.

11:28 AM  

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